17. The Self Coaching Model

Jun 02, 2023

In this episode you will learn about the Self Coaching Model which is a tool to help you gain awareness of your thoughts and feelings and how those create your actions and results in your life.

You will learn the 5 parts of The Life Coaching Model:

Circumstances

Thoughts

Feeilngs

Actions

Results

The circumstances are the neutral facts of our life. They have not meaning until we have thoughts about them. Our thoughts generate our feelings which drives our actions and causes our results.

Using The Model helps you have awareness of how your thoughts are creating your results in your life and how you can change your life and achieve your goals and dreams by changing your thoughts.

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What You'll Learn from this Episode:

Humans are the ONLY species that can notice our thoughts
Metacognition is having awareness of what you are thinking and knowing that you are NOT your thoughts
How your thoughts create your results in your life
The facts/circumstances of our life don't have any meaning until we have thoughts about them
Why its so important to separate the neutral circumstances of our life from our thoughts so you can start having more awareness of your thoughts
Awareness of your thoughts is the first step in changing your mindset
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The Life Coach School
Episode 14 Meet Your Brain (Part 1)
Episode 15 Meet Your Brain (Part 2)

Full Episode Transcript:

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You're listening to the Success-Minded Woman Podcast, episode 17. Today I'm going to be telling you all about the self-coaching model. It is a tool that can literally change your life. So listen, as I heard someone say once, listen with both ears and you might listen to it again. But this is so powerful and I want you to understand it. I want you to pay attention. Uh, let me know if you have any questions and. This is going be a two-parter. So in today's episode, I'm going introduce this concept, this coaching tool called The Self-Coaching Model, and come back next week and I'm going tell you all about how to actually use it, implement it in your life to get what you want.

Hi. I'm Deidrea, wife and mom to three teenagers, coffee Snob and Certified Life and Business Coach. If you're a high achieving goal-oriented woman and you know you were meant for more, then you are a success-minded woman and you're in the right place. I'm here to help you make the money and the impact you've been dreaming of to step into your confidence, create habits, and systems to support you. Ditch that imposter syndrome and harness the power of your mind. If you're ready to create a life and business you love, then let's go. I'm so glad you're here.

Hi there and happy sumer. It is nearly 90 something degrees. It's not even June

here in Texas. So we are, uh, tuning up our air conditioners and getting ready
for smer weather. So I hope you all are. Enjoying the end of May and getting
ready for smer. And, , I am so excited about what I'm going to be talking with
you about today.
So this is, Really one of the foundational tools that I use in my coaching practice
with my clients, and I also use on myself every day to coach myself. And I'm so
excited to share this with you. So, This is really more about how to change your
mindset and in back, , the last couple of episodes, I did a two-part series called
Meet Your Brain, where I talked about kind of the main parts of our brain and
how they impact our , behaviors and.

Sometimes can get in our way because we are, our primitive brain is designed
to keep us safe with the motivational triad that is designed for us to seek
pleasure, to avoid pain and to conserve energy. And that motivational triad was
great and served its purpose of keeping us safe as we evolved as hans when
we had to be on the L lookout for danger when we had to be on the lookout and
be able to escape if a.
You know, lion or tiger jped out at us. But now in our modern world, we have to
override that primitive brain and that primitive, , way that our brain works to keep
us safe because it's perceiving danger [00:04:00] in ways that really aren't
dangerous for our physical safety. So one of the things that we have to do is
notice.
When we are getting triggered by our primitive brain and re redirect our thoughts
to get our prefrontal cortex on board, which is the most, , modern part of our
brain. It's our executive center. It's where we plan, it's where we, , Have our
executive functioning, our working memory. So it's really the command center of
our brain.
And I love this quote about by Grant Cardone, and I know I've mentioned it
before, but he says, uh, High emotion equals low intelligence. And the reason
that is, is when we're in high emotion, we're being activated by our primitive
brain, which means our prefrontal cortex, where our intelligence is, is really
offline.
So part of the [00:05:00] work is to notice when we're activated, , and we are in
that, , high emotion and to bring our prefrontal cortex on board, bring our
intelligent. Operation Center on board. And one of the ways that we can do that
is with this tool that I'm going teach you about today. So one of the things that I
mentioned in that two-part series is that our brains have the ability to change
based on this concept of neuroplasticity.
And it is how we can. Rewire our brains and create new neuro neuro pathways
in our brain. So neuroplasticity is the mechanism by which to be done, and the
trigger of how you activate this process of neuroplasticity is how you're thinking
about things. And so in order to change, in order [00:06:00] to create new neuro
pathways, You have to change the way you're thinking because the, the, the
current way of thinking the well run neuro pathways of our brain is our prim, is

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
our, , conditioned thought patterns that what we've created over times in our
brain and if we want to change.
We have to change the way we're thinking. We have to change the way we're
interpreting our life, creating new stories for our life to create the new neuro
pathways in our brain. So I also mentioned about this concept called the
reticular activating system, r a s. Which basically tells your brain what to focus
on, and that's how it knows what to filter out the information that's that's coming
at us every day.
So there's no way we can take in all the information that's coming in through our
senses. So this particular activating system is a way that your brain filters the
information and in. So here's an example. Let's say you're shopping for a car
and let's say you want to get a Cadillac Escalade, and then all of a sudden
you're seeing Cadillac Escalades all over the place.
That is because you have told your reticular activating system to be on the
lookout for Cadillac Escalade. So you've primed your brain for that and it's going
out and looking for that. But you can also use this particular activating system
against yourself, so it works. In the negative for things that you don't want.
And so when you are thinking negative things about yourself, when you have
negative self-talk, when you ask yourself disempowering questions like, what's
wrong with me? Why can't I get anything? Right? I never achieved this goal. It's
too hard. I don't have what it takes. All of those thoughts are telling your reticular
activating system.
To look out for that, to give you evidence of that, all of these thoughts are telling
your brain to go out and get evidence to prove these negative thoughts are true,
which results in creating a negative spiral in a negative thought loop. And that's
literally how we get stuck in a rut. And you feel like you can't ever achieve your
goal, your goals, but there's a way.
To override your negative thoughts and to get out of the negative thought spiral
and how you reprogram and rewire your brain. And it's with your thoughts. It's
with noticing your thoughts and changing your thoughts on purpose, and that is
how we harness. The power of our mind. That is how we change our mindset,
and that is how we change our life, and that is how we achieve our goals

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
through the power of our thoughts and the power of the awareness of our
thoughts.
So as hans, we are the only species who can notice what we're thinking, that we
can have awareness. Of what we're thinking that we can see and we can sense
that we are not our thoughts. So that's the first step in changing these neuro
pathways in changing your mindset is to notice what you're thinking, to notice
what you're paying attention to, to notice what you're telling your particular
activating system to give you evidence of.
So that's step one. This is also called metacognition. Noticing what you're
noticing and it's, it's creating some distance between what you're thinking and
who you are because you are not your thoughts. So step one is to notice what
you're noticing and notice what you are thinking. And this really is.
Hard at first to practice this because we are used to believing all of our thoughts
and just reacting to them as if they are true. But this power of awareness is the
way because. This is how we can change our thoughts. We think our thoughts
are true. We believe them as facts, and then it's hard to change because we're
giving our power away to these perceived facts of our life.
But most of our thoughts are not facts and not true. They are an interpretation of
the circumstances of our life. They are just thoughts. We have thoughts so many
times that we believe them and they become the story of our life. And you have
the ability to take back control of your life, to tap into your personal power by
noticing what you're noticing, noticing how you are thinking and feeling, and then
choose thoughts and feelings on purpose.
That move you in the direction of your dreams. And I know that this is easier
said than done, and the tool that I'm going teach you today is powerful and it's
simple, and it's how you can use it to coach yourself, to bring the awareness of
what you're thinking and feeling by default, and choose thoughts on purpose
that take you.
Where you go with your goals and with your dreams. So the tool is called the
Self-Coaching Model, and it's the main coaching tool that I was trained in for my
life coach certification at the prestigious life coach school. You can use this tool
to coach yourself and to rewire your brain and to be intentional with what you're
thinking and feeling.

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
And I have been using this tool in my daily life since I learned about it seven
years ago. And that is when my life really started to change. I had lots of detours
and negative thought loops and bad habit cycle that I needed to bust through,
and I did it. And I did it using this tool and a lot of other things.
But it starts with this. So I'm still a work in progress for sure, and I continue to
grow and evolve and learn and develop, and I continue to use this tool as part of
my daily self-coaching practice. So here's how it works. There are only five
things in the world, circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and the results of
our actions.
I know it sounds like there should be a lot more than that in the world, but really
take this and apply it to anything you're experiencing in your day and you will be
able to plug that in to one of these parts of this self-coaching model. So I'm
going break it down for you. So circumstances that is the top part of the model
and.
You can think about, circumstances are just the facts of our life. They're just the
neutral facts of our life, of the world. They have, they're not subjective. They
could be proven in a court of law. They're just the facts and they have no
meaning. Until we have thoughts about them and we have emotions about
them, and we have stories about them.
So there's the neutral facts, circumstances of your life, and then there's the
thoughts that you think about them. Your thoughts, what you're thinking creates
the feelings in your body. So when you have a thought, it triggers a chemical
reaction in your body. It creates emotions, those physical sensations in your
body and from those emotions and from those feelings, that's what drives your
actions or inactions, and from those actions or what you're doing or what you're
not doing.
That is what creates the results in our life. So here's an example. Let's say that
you have been trying to lose weight, so you have a goal of weight loss. Your
circumstance is your weight. That is your circumstance. It's not good or bad. It's
not anything except what you weight the nber on a scale. And maybe if you
could also have some other metrics, maybe it could be your height, your weight,
your bmi.

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
You could have a scan and get your body fat percent percentage, but these are
all just facts. They don't mean anything until we put our thoughts about them. So
your thought about that circumstance might be that I need to lose weight. I don't
like this nber on the scale. I keep trying things and it nothing's working.
You probably have a lot of thoughts about those facts. If you're wanting to lose
weight, and from those thoughts, let's just take one of them. I keep trying and it's
not working. When you think something like that, you feel probably defeated,
disappointed, , upset, angry, and from those negative feelings, it drives actions
that probably are going against your weight loss.
I know for a lot of us, when we feel those negative feelings, we take actions to
buffer against those feelings. And so even though you might be upset and
disappointed that you want to lose weight and you feel like you can't, you might
overeat to. Make yourself feel better because that is a habit that you've created
of eating to nb your feelings.
And so it creates a neg, a negative spiral. So your action, let's say, of overeating
or , doing something that's negative in response to your feelings creates a
result. And in this example of weight loss, if you tend to. Overeat to buffer your
negative emotions. The result is that you don't lose weight, that you're not losing
weight you.
So it's, do you see how it's a negative spiral? What you think actually is what
happens if you think. I can never lose weight. This is hard. Something's wrong
with me. And you feel disempowered, disappointed, depressed, angry, and your
actions are that you maybe avoid weighing the scale. You wear really loose
clothing so you don't, you know, you can't feel, , how your body feels.
You buffer with overeating or over drinking. So that you don't feel your feelings,
and then the result is that you don't lose weight or maybe you even gain weight,
and so it creates this negative spiral. But what you can do and how you can use
this self-coaching model is to notice the thoughts that you're thinking.
In this example, basically negative thoughts, and you can decide to think
thoughts on purpose that will help fuel the actions of weight loss. So in this
example, we would have the same circumstance, your weight, your height, your
bmi, whatever facts you have about your body, and then a thought that you
could choose.

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
That would make you feel empowered, that would make you feel purposeful,
that would make you feel confident. A thought could be, I'm figuring this out. I'm
in the right place. I've got what I need. I'm going to do what it takes. So
empowering thoughts are going to create feelings that will fuel you, like
encouraged, excited, energetic, confident.
And from these feelings, you're going have actions that will support your weight
loss. You might plan and prep your meals. You might do research on different, ,
menus and recipes. You might join a fitness program or some kind of weight
loss community. You might, , get a, a partner of an accountability partner to help
you with it.
You might get a mindset coach, you or a life coach, or a health and weight loss
coach and. You will start implementing the changes that you want to do to
achieve your goal. And then the result of all of those actions is you achieve your
weight loss goal. So I hope that this example of weight loss starts to help you
see how the thoughts that we're thinking about the circumstances of our life is
really what is creating the results in our life.
So the important thing here is to really. Separate out what you're thinking from
what are is actually the circumstance and not conflating those together. And
that's where a lot of us get into trouble. We think circumstances, a lot of times
we think our thoughts are circumstances. So like in this weight loss example,
you, someone would say, I just can't lose weight as they say that as a fact.
Well, that is not a fact. That is your thoughts about the circumstance of your
weight. So it's so important to start really dismantling and distinguishing between
the circumstances of our life and our thoughts and feelings about those
circumstances. So another one that I hear a lot from my clients is that I'm too
busy, I have too much to do, I don't have enough time.
They think that those are all circumstances, but those are their thoughts about
the circumstance that we all have, is that there's 24 hours in a day. That is the
circumstance and all the thoughts that she had, that I have and that you
probably have about, about how much time you have, about all the things you
have to do about, you know, just all the to-do lists and tasks and, and everything
that you have to do in your life, all of the thoughts that you have.
They aren't facts. And when you think things like, I'm too tired, I don't have
enough time, I have too much to do, I can never get this done. That leads to

Ep #17: The Self Coaching Model
The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling
feelings like overwhelm and disappointment, and when you have those kinds of
thoughts, you're going to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, disappointed.
Full of doubt. And that leads to actions like procrastinating, giving up. Basically
all actions that won't lead to the result that you want, won't lead to actually
making progress on your goals and dreams. So for your goals, the first step is to
notice the thoughts that you're thinking about. What you want, why you want it,
and what's in your way.
And usually what's in your way are the thoughts that you're thinking. And so I
really want you to take this information, this self-coaching model, and you can
plug it in. Thanks for joining me this week on the Success Minded Woman
Podcast. If you like what you heard on the podcast, when you know more, then
head on over to the dream academy.com where you can sign up for my weekly
success and mindset tips to help you create your dream.
Come true life. Talk to next week. Bye.
I'm listening to what my thoughts are, and then I have a process where I tell
myself I'm safe. Nothing's gone wrong. I take deep breaths, and then I choose
my thoughts on purpose to have the feelings that will help me to not feel
anxious, to feel purposeful, to feel committed, to do what I need to do in the day.
And so start with this. Just start noticing your thoughts. And noticing what the
circumstances are and separating out your thoughts from the circumstances. So
just notice something today that you're, and you know, probably complaining
about or blaming about, and just see if you can separate. The circumstances,
the fact of the situation from your thoughts and feelings about it, and that first
step of gaining that awareness of separating out your thoughts from the
circumstances is really the first step in how you can use this self-coaching
model and apply it in your daily life.
So I'm going leave you with that today and in next week episode I'm going break
this out into more detail about how you can actually use this self-coaching model
in your daily journaling, in your day-to-day, just being out in the world and how
you can, , apply it in your going after your goals and dreams.

If you love what you’re learning here on the podcast and you want to start implementing these concepts into your daily life then you must get my free course where I will teach you how to get 10 hours back a week. Imagine what you could create with 10 more hours a week. So go to thedreamacademy.com/freecourse and learn about the magic wand of time. Thanks for listening. Bye.

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