15. Meet Your Brain (Part 2)

You are listening to The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling, episode 15. Today is part two of the series we started last week called Meet Your Brain. And today is all about how to rewire your brain to go after your goals. It is possible to program our brain for success so stay tuned to learn how.

Hi, I’m Deidrea, wife, and mom to three teenagers, coffee snob, and certified life and business coach. If you’re a high-achieving, goal-oriented woman and you know you were meant for more, then you are a success minded woman and you’re in the right place. I’m here to help you make the money and the impact you’ve been dreaming of, to step into your confidence, create habits and systems to support you, ditch that imposter syndrome, and harness the power of your mind. If you’re ready to create a life and business you love, then let’s go. I’m so glad you’re here.

Hi there. I am so happy to be here with you today. And this is one of my favorite topics which is all about how to train your brain. I am recording this on a Friday morning, it's beautiful outside. I am feeling calm and peaceful. I’m not in a hurry and I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing to achieve my dream of having a successful podcast. And the part leading up to this moment, it's hard to get started and stay focused, the part of thinking of the topic, doing the outline, organizing my thoughts and laying them all out in a cohesive way.

My brain wants to jump to the fun part, which is this part, recording the podcast. And this is such a good example of process goals versus outcome goals that I talked about in earlier podcasts. I love having a podcast, that’s an outcome goal. I love recording the podcast, that’s a process goal. I don't like outlining and organizing my points and ideas, also a process goal. I don't like doing the promotional stuff to let people know about it, sending emails, posting on Facebook and Instagram, but my motivation for having a podcast fuels my discomfort of the parts of it that I don't like to do.

And the commitment of delivering a weekly podcast gives me the urgency and the pressure that me and my ADHD brain need to just do it even when I don't want to and a lot of it I don't like. I also have a lot of role models and mentors that I’m following that have successful podcasts. So when I'm needing extra motivation I think of them, I think of the podcasts that they have created and the impact that they’re having with their listeners and their clients and that inspires me.

And today after I do this I'm going to finish a major round of decluttering my garage and our spare room because tomorrow is heavy haul trash day and so that’s another goal that I have, a date that I have in my calendar. Once a month I do a decluttering project for heavy haul. Decluttering, organizing, decorating and creating systems and processes for our home is one of my top three goals for the year. And so even though I am not looking forward to actually doing the work, process goal, I am really excited about having this done, outcome goal. And that keeps me motivated.

I am about to start a 30 day sprint of this goal starting on Monday May 15^th, 2023. I’m adding the year in, in case you’re listening to this in the future. If you want to follow along on my decluttering 30 day sprint, you can follow me. I’m sharing every day on Facebook and Instagram and you can see my progress and you can ask me questions. And if you want to follow along, let me know, I'd love to have you join me in this sprint.

Okay, so now let's get to the podcast. So today we’re going to dive into the topic of neuroplasticity and how your brain can change and you have the power to change it with your thoughts. Your brain can change and develop new neural pathways, new ways of thinking and being. And a good example of neuroplasticity is learning a new language. When someone is learning a new language, the neurons responsible for the language learning, develops new synapses. And over time the new language becomes easier and easier. And we’ve heard the saying, ‘second nature’.

That's how you create second nature, by practicing and doing things over and over and training your brain. So before the discovery of neuroplasticity the brain was seen as static and could not change. and so by default we were limited to the factory setting, the wiring of our brain, which from last week's episode I talked about how our brain is designed to keep us safe and focused on the negative, which helps us look out for danger. Which were great for us humans back in the day when we were living in caves but in today's modern world this can work against us.

And as we go after our big goals and dreams it keeps us safe by focusing on the motivational triad of seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and being as efficient as possible to conserve energy. This is our comfort zone. And to get out of our comfort zone where all of our goals and dreams exist we need to learn how to use our brain to help us get out of our comfort zone, to train our brain to get out of the motivational triad designed to keep us safe, to train it to feel the fear and do it anyway. To notice when we are in our primitive brain trying to keep us safe, which is like a toddler wanting what it wants when it wants it.

But to get out of the high emotion and reactivity of our primitive brain, of our toddler brain and get back to our high intelligence using our prefrontal cortex, which is like the parent, who do you want running your life, the toddler brain or the parent brain? So we have to train our brain. We have to train it that the fear that comes up when we’re doing something for the first time, when we’re learning a new skill, when we’re starting a business or a side hustle, writing a book, deciding to lose weight for the last time, to get your house decluttered and organized like what I'm doing right now.

Whatever it is we need to train our brain on how to do hard and scary things, that it's okay, you’re safe and you can do this. Step out with fear, bring fear along for the ride. And with the discovery of neuroplasticity and the concept that our brain is plastic and can change, this is how we can change and overwrite that primitive brain.

I love this quote by William James who was a late 19^th and early 20^th century philosopher and is also known as the father of psychology in America. And he famously said, “The greatest revolution of our generation”, which he was talking about in the 20^th century, “is the discovery that human beings by changing the inner attitudes of their minds can change the outer aspects of their lives.” I just love that.

Neuroplasticity is that ability of the brain to change continuously through our life. And we have the power to manage our brain and to impact how it changed by what we’re thinking, by what we’re going after with our goals and dreams. It's just a simple reality that your brain changes and therefore, whatever you think and do can be completely shifted by controlling your thoughts and being mindful and intentional about what you’re thinking and about what you're saying. So nothing in your life is fixed. And understanding this and living with this is embracing a growth mindset, allowing our brain to change and evolve.

And this means that your brain can change and adapt to new experiences and this is such good news because it means that you can rewire your brain to achieve your goals. It does this by creating new neural pathways. And I love this, Tony Robbins says, “You can build a super highway in your brain towards fear and anxiety or gratitude and happiness.” So our current neural pathways, the efficient thinking and being is how you are right now, it's your habits, your mindset, your attitude about yourself, your life and the world.

This is your default mindset. This is your safety zone, your primitive brain doing what it always does to keep you safe. This is your habits and your routines and this is your super highway. Your brain will always want to take the super highway, the easy way, the no stops way, the quick and easy way. That is what it’s designed to do, to be safe, to be comfortable and to be as efficient as possible, to be certain. Your super highway is how you can drive and talk and think and listen all at the same time.

You're so used to driving, especially if you're going to somewhere that you go often, you don’t even think about it. And have you ever missed your exit because you were thinking about something else? You weren’t even actually focused on driving. That's the neural pathway in your brain of how to drive to where you're going. It’s so natural, but if you're driving somewhere new you have to pay attention. You're focused and you aren’t thinking about other things, you're focused on where you're going.

And another example of that is creating a new habit or releasing an old habit. When you're starting a new habit you have to really think about it. You have to remind yourself to do it. For me, I track it and check it off my habit tracker. It takes focused attention but over time you don't even have to think about it. You’re building a new super highway for that new habit.

I like to think about it this way. when you're building a new super highway it starts with a pebble and then another and then more and then more and then over time you have a dirt road. And then over more time you have two roads. You have your super highway road and then you have this new road that let’s say it’s partly dirty road and it's partly getting paved. and then over time that new road that you’re building becomes a new super highway. And because you're not using that old super highway it gets old, it doesn't have maintenance. You don't think about going on that old way. And that is how we change.

And over time that super highway isn’t so super anymore. And your new super highway is your new way of thinking, your new way of being, your new habits. And that is how we change and grow. So to put this into practice I have highlighted five different ways that you can implement this in rewiring your brain and changing your brain. So number one, and I believe this is the most powerful way to rewire our brain is by intentionally practicing this idea of redirecting your thoughts to create new neural pathways.

So when you have a negative thought it can trigger a cascade of other negative thoughts, you know what I mean? You think of one thing and then your brain is going to go out and get evidence of all the ways that that negative thought is true. And it’s going to give you a lot more negative thoughts, but by consciously redirecting your thought to something positive, to something you want to think and believe on purpose, you start to create new pathways in your brain that support your new thoughts and your new beliefs that you’re building.

So there’s a law, it’s called Hebb’s Law and it states that cells that fire together are wired together, which means that what you focus on grows and becomes a pattern. And over time as you create these new neural pathways that support your more positive beliefs and behaviors, those old neural pathways that support your negative beliefs and behaviors like that old super highway, it starts to weaken and eventually it will fade away. And this is because the brain is constantly rewiring itself based on your own experiences and thoughts.

So your brain is going to do this anyways, so why don’t you just do it on purpose by setting your goals, creating that vision and dream for your life and then taking daily action towards your goals and dreams. And one of the things that you have to do as you're going after your goals, as you’re implementing your action plan is developing the skill of redirecting your thoughts. Remember that motivational triad, your brain is hardwired for survival with that triad of energy conservation, seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.

And your old way of thinking is the easiest way for your brain and it takes the least amount of energy. That's your default. Your current negative thoughts, doubtful thoughts, fearful thoughts, when you're going after a goal are trying to keep you safe in your comfort of life. But you can rewire your brain, you can change, you can achieve your goals and create that dream that you are envisioning. And you do this by creating this new super highway, starts with a pebble and then another and another. And then over time you have that new super highway.

The old one might still be there but over time it will go away and your brain will default to your new way of thinking. This new way of thinking will be harder for your brain, it will take more energy. So you have to practice. So here’s an example. Let’s say you have a belief that you’re not good enough, maybe you have a strong neural pathway that reinforces that belief. And when you think, I'm not good enough, your brain will go out and look and give you evidence of all the ways that that's not true, or all the ways that that is true to support your theory, that negative belief, that negative story about yourself.

And you've probably told that story either out loud or to yourself or both so many times in your head for a very long time that you think it's true. You think that story is true but it's not true. It’s your interpretation of a series of events and thoughts that you’ve thought over and over and over again and made them true. So now you can rewire your brain, you can unwind those old negative thoughts and those old disempowering thoughts and beliefs and stories by challenging them and creating new thoughts to believe on purpose.

You can reframe that negative self-talk when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself like I'm not good enough, I always mess things up, I can't do this, this will not work for me. Redirect your thought to something that feels better, that moves you in the direction of your dream. I'm doing my best. I'm learning and growing. I’m figuring this out. What can I learn from this? How is this happening for me to learn and grow?

And just keep in mind that as you start to challenge those beliefs and create these new neural pathways that support this vision that you have for yourself and support this more positive self-image. Those old pathways will fight, will continue to give you evidence about how that's not true, but the more that you redirect, the more that you practice these new thoughts, this new way of thinking and believing, it makes those old negative thoughts less active. And this is such an important part, the practice, the practice, the practice. And over time that's how you build this new super highway to your goals and dreams, this new way of thinking and believing about yourself.

And it may be that you never eliminate those old limiting beliefs, those old negative thoughts. But when you do this practice, consistent effort over time, you will strengthen those new neural pathways and weaken those old ones. And it will become easier to think and behave in ways that support your gold. Those limiting beliefs, those old stories, they might still pop up, for me they still do. And really I notice them so much more because I'm so surprised by them because I don't really think that and feel that most of the time.

And what I have noticed in myself about when these come up, it’s when I'm stressed. It’s when I’m tired. It’s when I'm overwhelmed. It’s when I'm feeling scared. It’s when I'm in that primitive brain. It's when I am sort of sometimes in a fight or flight situation, but now I can just calm myself down by just noticing that and just telling myself it's okay, that’s just your primitive brain. And I will give you a mindfulness exercise at the end of the podcast, but that's what I do to just calm myself down, bring myself into the present moment and remind myself that I am safe.

And you can develop this practice too, to calm yourself down and get into the present moment and remind yourself that you're in charge, calm your toddler brain down, bring your adult brain, your parent brain, that prefrontal cortex, bring that on board and that's how you control your thoughts. It’s totally normal that these thoughts come up and like I said, they may continue to come up and it's okay, you just notice them. And you just notice and redirect.

The second thing that you can do to develop these new neural pathways is to practice gratitude, focusing on what you're grateful for, it can shift you from negative thought patterns to positive thoughts. That's another way also that you get present in the moment is by bringing yourself and your attention to something that you're grateful for. So you’ve probably heard this and a lot of you probably already have some kind of daily gratitude practice or a daily journal but if you don't or if you do and you've haven't done it in a while, I really encourage you to do that.

And it doesn't have to be anything big, just write three things down. It could be on sticky notes or a spiral notebook. I do this every morning, I write down three things that I'm grateful for and three things that I like about myself. So what’s interesting is I’ve been doing this consistently probably for the last three or four or maybe even five years. This is one of those things where I always wanted to do this, I always intended to do this. I always, yeah, I knew that was a good idea. But when I actually started doing it consistently I really started feeling more empowered and grateful about my life.

So I really encourage you to do this. So for me lately what I've really been noticing with the three things that’s I’m grateful for, it's almost always people, people in my life that I'm grateful. And it really reminds me of what's important. The people in my life are really what's most important. And the three things that I like about myself, most days these are things like my ways of being, my resilience, my commitment, my determination. Those are often what I put in the things that I like about myself.

And sometimes it’s also things like I like my nails. I have really strong long pretty nails and I like them. I like my body, it's fit and powerful and strong and I'm so proud of the weight loss goal that I achieved in the process of maintaining my healthy fit strong body. I love that about myself. I love my body. And that’s actually something that I'm grateful for that I didn't ever let go of that goal and that dream of loving my body. And I am now experiencing that and that is something that I love about myself.

So another thing that you can do is engage in mindfulness, any kind of mindfulness practice. Basically what mindfulness is, it’s just getting you back into the present moment. It's getting you present to the here and now. And anything that you can do to just notice if you’re worrying about the future, thinking about the past, ruminating on something that you have to do or something that you don't want to do, something maybe that you’re procrastinating about, something that you’re ruminating about, something you don’t like about yourself.

You can catch yourself and then just bring yourself into the present moment. The present moment is where you can slow down and become aware of your thoughts and emotions. And when you notice those negative thoughts coming up this is when you can gently redirect your focus, just come into the present moment. And that is another way that you can create these new neural pathways of calming yourself down.

Another way that you can create new neural pathways is engaging in activities that challenge us mentally such as learning a new skill, playing a brain game or learning a new language or learning an instrument or getting a new hobby. So for me right now, podcasting is a new hobby and a new skill that I’m challenging myself with and challenging my brain with and learning. And I just love the idea of always having something new, something that you're learning, something that you can see yourself getting better and better at. That is definitely a way that you can create new neural pathways.

And I don't have the study in front of me but I know that I've read something about how that is one of the ways as we age that we keep our brain functioning is by challenging it and learning new things and just continually learning and growing. So I love that idea. And I love the idea of having affirmations. And I think there is mixed messages out there about affirmations. Some people say, “Yes, they work.” And then other people say, “No, affirmations don’t work if you don't believe them.” So I'm just going to say what works for me and you can decide what works for you.

But I love this, Louise Hay who is a leader in healing, with your mind and positive thinking and positive living. So she is really a leader, has been, she has since passed away. But her body of work in this area is really quite large, her body of work. And really she’s such a leader in this transformational way of thinking and living on purpose. And she says that with affirmations you could plant the seed. So just plant the seed, even if you don't believe, it's something that you want to believe. So you have that little seed, you have that thought and you plant the seed.

And then with repetition, repeating that thought, repeating that affirmation every day and feeling the feeling of it, that’s how you’re watering the seed. So you're not expecting that when you plant a seed that it's going to grow overnight, but you're watering it with your daily practice of affirmations and repeating and thinking the affirmations. And really that's how neuroplasticity works and that's how you develop these new neural pathways is you plant the seed with your goals, with your dreams, with your vision.

And then you water it with your execution of your new way of thinking, your new way of being, your new habits, maybe your new ways of going after your goals by following this process of 90 days with one goal. Making a plan, taking action, reviewing your action, keeping a scorecard, going through this process of setting a goal and following through and implementing it. That is creating these new neural pathways. And that is how you achieve your goals and create the dream and the vision that you have for your life.

So every day you get the choice of what you want to think and believe and what you want to put your attention on. And as we know, our brain is hardwired to keep us safe, to keep us comfortable and focused on the lookout for danger and focused on looking out for negativity to keep us safe. But your cup really is half full or half empty and you get to choose.

And I love this quote and I’m sure I've said it before, but as Ford famously said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” And how you decide which one you want to believe is using the power of neuroplasticity to create these new neural pathways and you create the new neural pathways, you rewire your brain. You train your brain by deliberately and intentionally thinking thoughts on purpose and redirecting when you catch yourself in a negative thought loop.

You redirect and you think on purpose what you want to think and believe and the story you want to tell yourself as you’re going after your goals, as you’re creating your dream, as you’re creating the vision of the life and business that you would love.

So I want to give you a little action step for today which is really funny. I call it an action step because it’s really a mindfulness practice. And you all, I will just be perfectly honest with you, I am not a meditator. I have so much resistance to meditation but as I have continued to go after my goals and dreams this is something that I know will help me and I know it's important for me. So I am sharing with you what I am actually starting to do myself. So I am by no means an expert in this at all. But I just want to share with you what I'm doing and maybe this will work for you.

So start with this very small mindfulness practice and just set aside a few minutes a day to start building that new super highway. So what I'm doing is just taking two minutes. You can set an alarm for two minutes or you can set a dedicated time for two minutes, maybe in the morning or at night. But just take two minutes and just notice what you’re feeling, notice what you're thinking, notice the thoughts that you’re thinking right now when you sit down for this mindfulness practice. And just notice is it positive or negative? Don’t judge it, just be curious and pause.

Bring your attention back to this present moment, put your hand over your heart, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and then a few more. And then say a power thought or an affirmation, you can say it out loud or in your head and it's okay if you don't believe it in the moment, your brain is listening. So here are a few of mine and you can use these or create one for yourself. Everything is always working out for me. Every day and every way I am getting better and better. My life is happening for me.

And this one is from my mom, she was [inaudible] in the order of Julian of Norwich and she had this plaque in her room and now I have it in my office, all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. It just reminds me of her. And my abbreviated version of this, all is well, be here now. So you can find some affirmations and power thoughts, you can just Google them. So you can Google Louise Hay and she has a whole list of affirmations on her website or just Google, power thoughts and you will find so many. And just pick some that resonant with you.

I would say just pick a few that feel true when you are calm and peaceful. They probably won't feel true when you're stressed or overwhelmed or having a bad day. But if you use an affirmation that you know you've already felt was true, it'll help you connect with it when you're feeling stressed, when you're feeling down, when you're feeling low.

And so I have these power thoughts and affirmations all over the place. I have them on sticky notes on my monitor. I have sticky notes written on a whiteboard in my bathroom. I have them everywhere. So you can take some and post them someplace that will help remind you. I also have reminders on my phone. So just put these reminders to yourself of what you want to think and how you want to feel on purpose.

And so that's it. I hope that you have gotten something out of today. This is so powerful that we can retrain our brain by redirecting our thoughts and that is how you overcome that primitive brain programming, that is how you get out of high emotion and into high intelligence. And it can start with just this small mindfulness practice. And it could start with two minutes a day. It can start with one thought a day and you can start right now. So glad you're here. Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you all next week. Bye.

If you love what you’re learning here on the podcast and you want to start implementing these concepts into your daily life then you must get my free course where I will teach you how to get 10 hours back a week. Imagine what you could create with 10 more hours a week. So go to thedreamacademy.com/freecourse and learn about the magic wand of time. Thanks for listening. Bye.