31. Imposter Syndrome Part 2
Nov 22, 2023Lady Gaga said this, I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I'm a superstar every morning.
And that's what I want for you. You are a superstar and your goals and dreams are meant for you.
Today is all about overcoming imposter syndrome. It's been identified that most high achieving, goal-oriented women that are going after a goal and a dream often feel like a fraud, doubting their capabilities and abilities to achieve their dreams and goals.
Join me in the second part of the imposter syndrome series.
This is not just an episode, it's a life-changing journey.
What You'll Learn From this Episode:
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How to identify and dismantle imposter syndrome through an 8-step journey.
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The concept of becoming a "person of increase" to counteract competition and comparison.
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Techniques to reframe the feeling of imposter syndrome and practice self-compassion.
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Insights from Wallace Wattles’ science of getting rich and the pitfalls of all-or-nothing thinking.
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Techniques for replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations.
Featured on the Episode:
- Maya Angelou
- Lady Gaga
- "The Science of Getting Rich" by Wallace D. Wattles
- 27. Life Changing Phrases
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Full Episode Transcript:
📍 You're listening to The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling, episode 31, Overcoming Imposter Syndrome. This is a big one. So, stay tuned. And before we jump into it, I want to give you a few quotes that will inspire all of us. So, Maya Angelou said this, I have written 11 books, but each time I think, oh, they're going to find out now I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.
And Lady Gaga said this about imposter syndrome. I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school, and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I'm a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be. And that's what I want for you.
You are a superstar, and your goals and dreams are meant for you. So, stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Deidrea, wife, and mom to three teenagers, coffee snob, and certified life and business coach. If you're a high-achieving, goal-oriented woman and you know you were meant for more, then you are a success minded woman and you're in the right place. I'm here to help you make the money and the impact you've been dreaming of, to step into your confidence, create habits and systems to support you, ditch that and post your syndrome, and harness the power of your mind. If you're ready to create a life and business you love, then let's go. I'm so glad you're here.
Hello, welcome back. In last week's episode, I talked about imposter syndrome, and this is such a big topic that I had so much to say that I'm doing a second episode on imposter syndrome. Today is all about overcoming imposter syndrome. And just as a reminder, imposter syndrome is just a syndrome. It's been identified that most women, high achieving goal-oriented women that are going after a goal and a dream often feel like a fraud, doubt themselves, doubt their capabilities and abilities to achieve their dreams and goals.
It's normal. We all have it. It's really just our brain trying to keep us safe, trying to keep us from changing because one of the things with our primitive brain that we're designed for is to stay connected, to stay in our tribe. And when we're changing and we're going after goals and dreams, we're changing our identity.
We're changing who we are, and imposter syndrome is a way to keep us safe in our group. And so again, I just want to remind all of us that imposter syndrome is really just a form of fear, doubt, and these are all just normal signs and signals of growth that we're changing, that we're growing. And my clients always ask me about this, how to overcome imposter syndrome.
So, over the years of coaching my clients, I actually put together sort of this list or steps that you can follow that you can do, and you can pick and choose which one of these feels right for you. But I have some specific techniques and tools that you can use. So, one of the things to know about overcoming imposter syndrome is that we all have it.
It's going to be along for the ride. You don't overcome it. You just get better at handling it and noticing and dealing with it because the truth is you have to do the thing you think you are not ready for yet, and you will never think you're ready. And if you do wait until you're completely ready and comfortable, then you are late and you have wasted valuable time and opportunity that you could have done way before to get better.
So, I really want to remind us of all that to start before we're ready. And the other thing about imposter syndrome and growing and changing is that you have to change in order to change. And the only way to change is to embrace fear and do the thing. Do it messy, do it scared. But do it and don't let your doubt about your abilities keep you from going after your dreams.
Don't let the fear of feeling like a fraud hold you back because the truth is we can't outperform our identity of who we are, what we think of ourselves. We can't outperform it. We have to change it and to change it we have to embrace imposter syndrome. On the journey to your dreams on becoming the version of you that has achieved the results that you're going afterwards, embracing imposter syndrome is how you change.
It's how you develop your skills, your abilities and your identity as you go, and you will never outperform it. It's along for the ride. And so, just like last week, when we talked about befriending your fear two episodes ago, fear is just the meaning we give to it. It's just a sign that I'm growing.
It's a sign that I'm becoming her, the woman in the vision. And so just know this, that you won't overcome it. You will just get better at handling it. You will always have it. Now, it won't be in all the areas because once you overcome it in one area or in one part of a dream, you'll feel confident in that.
You'll feel good about your skills and abilities and what you've achieved. But then you'll always have that next level of what you want to achieve, who you want to become. There's this saying that says new level, new devil, which basically means as you're moving up towards your goals, you have new challenges.
That's what it means by new devil. You have new challenges, new obstacles, but as you go, you become more equipped to handle them. Okay, so here's the eight steps that I have put together in overcoming imposter syndrome. And you don't have to do them all and they don't necessarily have to be in this order.
They're just really different ways of dealing with imposter syndrome. So, the first one is that you have to notice it and you notice it by how you see it. Speak to yourself with doubt, with fear, with worry, and sometimes overwhelm when you are asking yourself, are you fearful of being discovered as a fraud?
Do you feel guilt or shame about your accomplishments? And do you resonate with any of those five types of imposter syndrome that I mentioned in last week's episode, the perfectionist, the expert, the soloist, the natural genius, the super woman, and super student. When you have these ideas about yourself and who you need to be, it can keep you stuck because you don't feel that you've accomplished enough yet.
So, just notice if you're feeling one of those types of imposter syndrome, and you can go back to last week's episode where I talked more about that. The other thing to notice is when you catch yourself saying things like, I can't do it. I don't have enough information. I don't have enough training, experience, or credentials.
Who am I to do this? Who do they think I am? Who do I think I am? What will they think of me? And I want you to know this, especially on this one, what will they think of me? Oftentimes when we are asking ourselves that or thinking that what will they think of me? It's really you asking yourself, what do I think of me?
And so, you have the power to change what you're thinking of yourself. You have the power to answer these questions, these disempowering questions. When you ask yourself those, you have the power to change them, to answer them with empowerment, with belief that you can do what you are wanting to do. And you can also notice when you're in, I like to call these the three P's versions of fear, which are perfectionism, people pleasing, and procrastination.
These are all forms of fear and avoidance of trying to escape uncomfortable emotions that are always going to come up when we're stepping out of our comfort zone. So, you can notice these things, I like to say, be onto yourself when you're caught in one of these perfectionisms, like waiting until it's perfect to do something right.
That can keep you stuck. It can waste a lot of time and perfectionism. Because of course you can't be perfect. You know, that's a big one for a lot of us women when we're trying to kind of fit into a mold or a box, trying to fit other, you know, belief that other people, you know, we don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.
And then procrastination, you know, just avoiding doing the things, making up excuses and justifications of why now is not a good time or you'll wait till later, you know, whatever version of procrastination. So, just be onto yourself if you're in one of these three Ps. Another one, so I'm still in step one about noticing what you're noticing.
So, another area for you to notice beyond yourself is this is a big one, comparison. You know, there is a saying that says comparison is the thief of joy, and that is so true because you can't be comparing yourself to someone else and feel joy. At the same time and know this comparison, we usually think of it as that we're comparing ourselves to someone else, but sometimes we're comparing ourselves to ourselves.
Maybe something we did in the past, maybe something that we used to do that we used to be good at, but we don't do it anymore. Maybe we think that we're too old. We did something before, but now we think we're too old. So, you can be comparing yourself to someone else. But you could also be comparing yourself to yourself.
And I want to remind you that when you are feeling comparison, something in you is being triggered. A dream in you is being activated. So, when I see a firetruck, I don't get a gut feeling that that should be me, that I should be driving that firetruck. Because I don't want to be a fireman, a firewoman, that's not making me feel any kind of comparison.
But when I see someone maybe listening to a podcast that I think is better than mine, or someone that is further along in their coaching or their speaking career, I can find myself in comparison. You know, comparing myself to that other person, but I remind myself that comparison is a good thing.
It's a signpost and it's information about what you want. I really do believe that comparison when you're noticing it is a nudge from God, from the universe saying, listen, pay attention. Your dreams are waiting for you. And when you are feeling that comparison or maybe it's sometime like jealousy, it's just notice it that it's reminding you, it's a nudge.
There's something there for you. There's something that you want. It's sparking something in you. The other thing around comparison that is kind of another side of it is competition. So, when you are feeling in competition, in jealousy, in wanting maybe sometimes to be negative about someone else or about their achievements when you feel like you're competing with them, it's a limiting mindset.
It's a scarcity mindset. It's something like, you know, she's taking my piece of the pie or, you know, there's not enough, let's say clients or deals for all of us. But I want to say this. I heard this saying and I love it so much. There is not a pie. Maybe there is a bakery and just like in a bakery, you can make any type of cake or scone or cupcake that you want.
You just need the right ingredients and the right tools. And I love this. Wallace Wattles says in chapter 14. He talks about being a person of increase. And so, when you're feeling in competition or even in comparison, you are not being a person of increase. You're not being supportive of someone else really being a person of increase, he says, is really someone who brings their best every situation where someone you want to leave everyone in every situation a little bit elevated.
You want to help other people feel better, you know, give compliments and encouragement, be a person of increase. And that's another thing you can do when you're noticing yourself in comparison or competition, you can be a person of increase. You could reach out to someone and say, I see this thing that you're doing, and I really admire that in you.
And that's really sparking something in me that I would want to do. So, you can give a compliment. You can give an appreciation to someone else. You can be a person of increase. So, I've been studying The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles and this concept in chapter 14 of being a person increase really hit me in a way.
I'd never heard this before because he says that beware of the competitive mind. The mind that seeks for mastery over others is the competitive mind and the competitive mind is not the creative one. In order to master your environment and your destiny, it is not at all necessary that you should rule over your fellow man.
And indeed, when you fall into the world struggle for the high places, you begin to be conquered by fate and environment and getting rich becomes a matter of chance and speculation. Beware of the competitive mind. No better statement of the principle of creative action can be formulated than this favorite declaration.
What I want for myself, I want for everyone. So, I just love this idea that the competitive mind is holding you back from the creativity. You can't be feeling competition and being creative. So, move your attention, notice competition, and don't let it mean anything. Because when you are feeling in competition, you are blocking your creativity and remember that there is not a pie.
There's enough for everyone. The world is a bakery. And then the other thing to notice is all or nothing thinking, thinking that you have to have it all figured out before you start a business, before you go after your goals and dreams, thinking that you have to have, especially when you're starting a business that you have to have all the systems and the processes, the website, the business cards, all the things you don't need everything to start.
And oftentimes when we're going after something like that, we are comparing again, comparison, thief of joy. I've heard this saying you're comparing your start to someone else's finish. And that's why you've just got to notice when you're in comparison and move your attention, get out of comparison, get out of competition and just remind yourself there's enough for all of us and your dreams are meant for you.
So that was the first one, to notice what you're noticing. The second one is your self-talk. This is a big one. So obviously notice your self-talk, but I gave self-talk its own category because it's so big. So, when you notice yourself in this self-talk of doubting, of worry, of competition, of comparison, remind yourself that this is normal.
It's a sign and signal of growth. And what I ask my clients to do and what I'm asking you to do is to write out. So physically write these out on a piece of paper or type them up or in your notes on your phone, but write out some affirmations, some mantra, some phrases that you can say to yourself when you feel this imposter syndrome coming up, when you feel this negative self-talk of doubting yourself, you move your attention in your mind.
So, you notice this negative self-talk and you move your attention. You change that self-talk to something that's affirming, something positive. And so, you can go back and listen to episode 27 on, it's called Life Changing Phrases. And I talk about a whole list of these phrases that you can use to remind yourself of the possibility of your goals and dreams.
So, make a list of some of the ones that are most powerful for you and actually one of my clients told me last week that one of the ones that I share with her that now she uses, I forgot to mention in that podcast and then we started talking about him and she said, you didn't say this one and you didn't say that one.
So, there will be a part 2 of life changing phrases because there's so many and you will grab the ones that really resonate with you, and they will become part of your regular self-talk. So, a few of my favorites are things that are always working out for me.
My success is inevitable. Everything in my life has led me here and then I remind myself that I can do hard things. So, I have a whole list of these that I use and like I said, go back and listen to that other episode and make a list for yourself and then actually read them. Actually, tell yourself these mantras, affirmations when you cut yourself a negative self-talk and you always want to replace this negative self-talk when you're in doubt, fear, worry, you want to replace it as soon as you can.
You want to move your attention. You want to move your energy because when you are in negative self-talk, you are in a scarcity mindset, and you will not be creative. You will not be taking action, empowered action toward your goals and dreams when you are in negativity and scarcity. So, step number two was self-talk.
Step number three, talk to a friend. This is a big one. Not a friend who will indulge you in doubt and fear and worry. Not that kind of a friend. You don't want to commiserate with someone who will reinforce your negativity. So, you really want to make sure that you curate some special friends that are like-minded and can really support you in going after your goals and dreams.
So, I want you to really be careful of who you share your dreams and goals with, especially in the beginning when they're new. You don't want to expose yourself to doubt or to dissuasion from others and imposter syndrome is really a way of dissuading yourself. So, find a close friend, one who is like-minded and goal-oriented like you and actually doesn't have to be a close friend.
You can become close friends through this process. So, it could be in a mastermind. It could be with a coach, with a mentor, but you want to find someone or a group of people who are like-minded and you want to have what I like to call a partner in believing. Someone that can believe in you and your dream, even when you don't, and you can do the same for her.
And this is why I love like-minded women coming together to be partners in believing, to hold the belief of their dreams and goals when they don't. And then another thing in self-talk is gratitude. Wallace Wattles says he has a whole chapter, chapter seven is all about gratitude.
And he says that the lack of gratitude is one of the ways that holds people back from becoming rich and successful. He says that the grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best. Therefore, it tends to become the best. It takes the form or character of the best and will receive the best. And also, faith is born of gratitude.
The grateful mind continually expects good things. Things and expectations become faith. The reaction of gratitude upon one's own mind produces faith, and every outgoing wave of grateful thanksgiving increases faith. He who has no feeling of gratitude, cannot long retain a living faith and without a living faith, you cannot get rich by the creative mind.
It is necessary then to cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude. And I love this because it's being grateful for your journey.
It's being grateful for you and all the things that you have gone through that have led you to this point in your life, be grateful for them all. And when you're in gratitude, gratitude is on the frequency of abundance. And my belief is that we can only have achieve at the limits of our gratitude.
We can't create more abundance in our life more than the level of gratitude that we have. For ourselves, for our life, for our past. So, when we increase the level of gratitude, we are increasing the possibility of abundance and opening up the abundance to flow. And I think we all kind of know that gratitude is important, but it really is okay.
The next one is journaling, about why you want something. And journaling about who you are becoming and why your dreams and goals are important to you. I also recommend sometimes to my clients to journal about all the reasons why you can do this. Write out the evidence of why you can do this.
Write out a success list of at least 25 things that you have done or achieved in your life. Did you graduate from high school? Did you graduate from college? The reasons why you are going to be successful. Keep a running list of all the examples of success and achievements that you have had. And I had a few in my journal.
So, one of the things that you can do is list out all the things that you want. I did this in 2020. I listed it out. It came out to 77 things that I wanted to achieve in my life or that I wanted to experience. And then next to it, I wrote out for each one of them why I can't have it, why I can't achieve it, which is basically my own just reasoning and justifications.
And the reason I did this was to expose my own limiting thinking of what is holding me back. And the interesting thing is that when I go back now. When I read it the other day, preparing for this podcast, I noticed that so many of them were around imposter syndrome. I don't know. I don't have enough information.
I'm not good enough. I don't have enough training. What will they think about me? So many of them really were imposter syndrome. And you know what? A lot of them I have overcome now. And I don't believe those disempowering negative thoughts and beliefs that I had back then because I worked on them. And that is what I want for you.
So, I really want you to make a list and ask yourself why you can't do it. And the reason why we want to ask that is just to expose the beliefs that we're thinking that are holding us back. And then step six, take action, do what you can with what you have and take a step and one thing will lead to another and you can also get an accountability partner or a coach or a mentor that will help support you in taking action.
You can't do it alone. And this is one thing I want you to know. How do I know you can't do it alone? Because you haven't done it yet. So, get into action and action creates momentum. Action creates confidence and one thing leads to another. So, get out there and take action. And then step number seven, keep going.
That is what I want for you. And finally, step eight, repeat these steps as much as you need to, as you're going after your goals and dreams. Because this is a lifelong process. This is a lifelong practice. And I want to remind you of this, I talked with God this morning and she told me to tell you this, it all worked out.
And so, for me, this has been one of the greatest benefits of doing this podcast. Women are reaching out to me and telling me how much they relate to my journey of having a dream and taking a lot of stops and starts and detours along the way, and that I am inspiring them to do the same. And that is what I want for you.
You will inspire other people around you in your life when you take action toward your dreams and goals. When you embrace imposter syndrome, it's just a form of fear that's going to be along for the ride because for me, by me showing up and following my dreams, I am helping others to do the same and you can too.
You were listening to this podcast and guess what? I often feel imposter syndrome. I'm actually feeling it a little bit right now. Is this episode good enough? Am I explaining this concept well enough? Did I give enough examples? I'm just telling you this because this is an ongoing process. And then I remind myself, I'm doing this thing.
My dreams are meant for me. Someone needs to hear this today going, and I remind myself of this. And I remind you to keep going. Imposter syndrome will always be along for the ride. And I heard Oprah say this one time that she noticed this common thread that she found in all the interviews that she did with the biggest celebrities, the most famous, successful people in the world.
And also, just the everyday people that she interviewed on her show, she said that they all asked her some form of this question at the end of the interview. So, like when the camera stopped rolling, it was some version of, did I do okay? Was I okay? How was that? Did I do a good job? Everyone, no matter how famous and successful will have doubts, will have some version of imposter syndrome.
So, just know you will have doubts. You will want some confirmation and assurance that you did it right. And so, I want to tell you, you're not alone. We're all in this together and I believe in you and your dreams matter and so do you. Remind yourself when you're feeling this imposter syndrome coming up, that it just means that you're on your way, you're moving in the right direction.
And it doesn't mean anything about you or your abilities to achieve your goals and dreams. Keep going. All right. I'll talk to y'all next week. Bye.
Thanks for joining me this week on The Success Minded Woman Podcast. If you like what you heard on the podcast, and you want to know more, then head on over to www.thedreamacademy.com where you can sign up for my weekly success and mindset tips to help you create your dream come true life. Talk to you all next week. Bye.
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