30. Imposter Syndrome Part 1

When you're feeling fear, it's just a sign and a signal that you're growing. And by definition, you have to grow and change to become the person who achieves goals and dreams. And so that means you will experience and feel imposter syndrome. 

This is a big one for all of us women going after our dreams, going after goals, living into the vision of the life we would absolutely love. Join me on a transformative journey as we break down the complexities of imposter syndrome and discover the power within ourselves to overcome it.

It's time to shake off the fear and step up to who you're meant to be. Tune in, because your journey to self-belief starts here!

What You'll Learn From this Episode:

• The five types of imposter syndrome identified by Dr. Valerie Young.

• Strategies on how to overcome imposter syndrome and build your confidence.

• Different manifestations of imposter syndrome.

• How imposter syndrome prevents you from achieving your goals and pursuing your dreams.

• Inspirational insights from Marianne Williamson about self-recognition and confidence.

   

Featured on the Episode:

• Dr. Valerie Young
• The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women 
• Mary Morrissey
• Marianne Williamson
• Sara Blakely
• Imposter Syndrome Is A Scheme: Reshma Saujani’s Smith College Commencement Address
• Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes' study in 1978

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Full Episode Transcript:

📍You're listening to The Success Minded Woman with Deidrea Kiesling, episode 30. Today is a good one, a juicy one, an important one. We're all about imposter syndrome, and this is a big one. I think for all of us women going after our dreams, going after goals, living into the vision of the life we would absolutely love.

And in order to achieve those things, you have to overcome imposter syndrome. So, this was so good. I had so much to share with you that I actually broke it up into two episodes. So, this week, part one, we're going to talk all about what is imposter syndrome, and I'm going to lay it all out for you. And then next week and the types of imposter syndrome.

So that's this week. And then next week, I'm going to tell you all about how to overcome it. I'm going to give you processes and actual practice that you can use to overcome imposter syndrome in your life. And before we jump into the episode, I wanted to give you this quote that has been so impactful to me and I think probably millions of people around the world.

This quote for many years was attributed to Nelson Mandela, but it's actually from Marianne Williamson. And here it is. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking. So that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children. Do we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission. To do the same as we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. And what I love about this quote is ultimately that when we overcome our imposter syndrome and bring out our gifts and share them with the world, we're making the world a better place.

We're shining our light, inspiring others, giving others permission to shine their light. All right let's get into it.

Hi, I'm Deidrea, wife, and mom to three teenagers, coffee snob, and certified life and business coach. If you're a high-achieving, goal-oriented woman and you know you were meant for more, then you are a success minded woman and you're in the right place. I'm here to help you make the money and the impact you've been dreaming of, to step into your confidence, create habits and systems to support you, ditch that and post your syndrome, and harness the power of your mind. If you're ready to create a life and business you love, then let's go. I'm so glad you're here.

Hello and welcome back. This week's episode is a really good one. It is all about imposter syndrome and for me, and I would say for all of my clients, past, current, and I'm sure future have all experienced some form of imposter syndrome. In last week's episode, we talked about befriending your fear and that becoming friends with your fear is the only way.

You will get to where you want to go to achieve those goals and dreams of the life you are imagining the vision you have for your life to experience your full potential, passion and purpose, you will experience imposter syndrome and it is a form of fear, and that's why I wanted to dedicate a whole episode to this flavor of fear because it is so prominent, especially for women.

So, I believe that we all experience as we're going after these big goals and dreams, and I think it's so important to understand how it shows up, why it shows up, why we have it and how to overcome it so that we can keep going towards our goals and dreams. And I heard this phrase from my mentor, Mary Morrissey, and she says that fear is always sign and signal of growth.

When you are feeling fear, it's just a sign and a signal that you're growing. And by definition, you have to grow and change to become the person who achieves the goals and dreams. And so, you will experience and feel imposter syndrome. And so, in today's episode, we're going to talk all about it. So, what is imposter syndrome?

Google says that imposter syndrome is a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments. Listen to this part. Among high achieving individuals, imposter syndrome is the psychological pattern. In which an individual believes that their own accomplishments came about as a result of having been lucky or having manipulated other people's impressions, not through hard work or genuine ability.

And across the board, imposter syndrome is more common, and I believe it is always common when trying something new and feeling a pressure to achieve. Now, this concept, this phrase imposter syndrome actually came out of a study that was done in 1978. Two women, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes did this study, and they recognize this phenomenon.

Listen to this in high achieving women, their study of a hundred and fifty women. Which I think is interesting. Most studies don't only focus on women. So, I think even that's interesting. Their study of 150 women showed that women with this syndrome, regardless of evidence of their earned success, lacked the internal acknowledgement of their accomplishments.

So really let that sink in. This study was done with high achieving women. And they all felt that they were imposters. They didn't recognize and feel that they had earned the success that they had already achieved. So, I just think that's so interesting and I'm laughing, but it's really not funny. And I also saw this commencement speech on YouTube.

And it is from this woman, Reshma Saujani, and she was giving the Smith College Commencement, I think this was last year. And she's an intern attorney, and she's the founder of the organization called Girls Who Code and Moms First. And she says that imposter syndrome, listen to this, is a scheme to keep women in their place.

So, here's a little snippet from her bio. She's a leading activist and founder of Girls Who Code and the Marshall Plan for Moms. She has spent more than a decade building movements to fight for women and girls economic empowerment, working to close the gender gap in the tech sector, and most recently advocating for policies to support moms.

Impacted by the pandemic. She's also the author of the international bestseller, brave, not perfect. And her influential Ted talk where she says, teach girls bravery, not perfection. I just realized when I was reading a bio that when I was in high school, I don't know if it was junior or senior, but I actually wrote an essay, one of my essays that I had to turn in.

I had totally forgotten about this, but it was called the gender gap, and I was really into like equity and economics and just equality of women. I didn't even I had completely forgotten that I wrote that. I say, but wow, full circle moment. I knew it way back then when I was like 17 or 18 that there was and still is a gender gap.

And that's why in this commencement speech that she did at Smith college, the subtitle of it was imposter syndrome is a scheme to keep women down. In her speech, she was talking about how this is one of the things that holds women back. In reaching the top levels of organizations and in college and professors around the world, this concept of imposter syndrome, and she described it as it's never really been about whether we're qualified enough or smart enough or prepared enough.

Instead, it's always been about the political, the financial, the cultural barriers that are designed to keep us out of the rooms in the first place. That was kind of like what part of what I did my essay on, but she gave this one example and I highly recommend that you go watch the speech. I think it's about 25 minutes and I'll put the link in the show notes.

It's on YouTube, but she gave this one example. And I'm going to probably not get this exactly right, but she gave this one example about how, when bicycles were first invented and women had the freedom to jump on a bicycle and go somewhere that there was this liberation that women were feeling around the country, that they could ride a bicycle and go places and meet people and get together.

And she talks about how women were really encumbered in riding the bicycles because they had these long skirts on because this was before women wore pants. And she gives this example how women started tucking their dresses into their stockings and that then, you know, they were sort of made fun of and felt like they were made to feel like they shouldn't do that, and they were kind of embarrassed.

But together as more and more women started doing that, that's how bloomers, I don't know if you remember, but back in the day, women wore these bloomers under their skirts. And those started because it was a way for them to still have their skirt on, like on the outside, they have their skirt on, but underneath they had bloomers, which allowed them to ride the bicycle.

So anyway, she goes into a lot more about it, but I just remember that part of it is that we don't even know all the ways that imposter syndrome is showing up because we're so socialized to expect that that's normal. Now I'm not going to go into all of that, but I just want to. Pull this part out that there's, there's a history and even some societal reasons why imposter syndrome exists.

So, how do you know if you have imposter syndrome? Do you have a dream? Do you have a goal? Do you have a vision for this life and this business of your dreams? Do you have doubt? Do you ask yourself, who am I to do this? What if I fail? What will they think of me? Any of those questions where you're doubting your skills and abilities and you're.

Ability to achieve your goal and dream. You have some flavor of imposter syndrome. And so, my intention and my goal of this episode is to tell you and remind you that imposter syndrome is along for the ride. It is just a flavor and a form of fear. And remember that fear when we're going after our goals and dreams is just a sign and signal of growth.

So, to know that it's going to be there and to not give it any meaning about your ability to achieve your goal is really the main reason why I'm doing this episode so that we all know what it is and understand it and don't give the wrong meaning and interpretation to it. And the main thing that came out of that study where the term was coined is that these were all high achieving women.

So, by definition, they had already achieved a lot. They already had success and they doubted their skills, their abilities, and they felt like a fraud. And so, by definition, you are going to have imposter syndrome. Really, if you've ever achieved anything, you're going to have some version of doubting yourself or fearing, you know, doubting your skills and abilities.

I think most of us have had some flavor of that. And for me, I think this is so interesting. I think also like the more you've achieved or the more credentials you have, I think the more that you doubt yourself. And in some past episodes I talked about the naivete concept. Like when you don't even know that you don't know, there's a naivete about possibility.

And when you are in sort of that bubble of naivete, it's actually easier to accomplish things because you don't have imposter syndrome. And Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, talks about this, that in the very beginning, she had this sense of naivete that she had this idea, and she could make it happen.

And she would just do the work and make it happen. And she talks about later that if she had known how hard it would be and how much she didn't know it would have been even harder for her to do that. And I also recently heard a podcast shoot. I can't remember what it is, but one of the founders of one of the largest investment companies in the world, someone was interviewing him and asking him for advice.

Like if he was to do it over, what advice would he give himself and listen to this? He said if he had known then how hard it was going to be and how long it was going to take to achieve that level of success and impact, he wouldn't have done it. Now, I don't think he really meant that he wouldn't have done it.

I think that if he knew he was going to be successful at it, he still would have done it even though it was going to be hard and take a long time. I think what he was saying is that if he knew. That how much he didn't know and how much naivety he had; it would have been a lot harder. So, I don't really think he means that he wouldn't have done it, but I don't know.

Maybe he did. That's my interpretation. So, it's almost like the more you have achieved, the more you're going to have this imposter syndrome. And that's why it's so important to dig deep into your own confidence in yourself and confidence and belief in your vision and in your dream. And I'll give you a few examples.

So, for me, this podcast, I wanted to do a podcast. I don't even know how many years I'd wanted to do a podcast. I mean, I think I wanted to do a podcast when I first started listening to podcasts, which was actually YouTube videos when I was watching Lewis Howes on the School of Greatness doing YouTube videos.

And this was, I don't know, maybe 10, 15 years ago. And I thought, I want to do that. I want to interview people and ask them all of their experience and their inside and all of these concepts of personal growth and goal achievement. And I was so inspired by what he was doing. And so, there was a piece of me that wanted to do that too, but I wasn't even at the level of imposter syndrome.

I think I was even before that, just thinking that was something that I wanted to do, but I wasn't even in any realm of possibility that that was for me. But that was that first spark. And then over the years, over probably the last five or six or maybe even seven years, eight years, I've wanted to do a podcast.

And the reason I'm saying that is that. You know, I started a podcast this year in 2023, and I had this dream for, I don't know, 10 years, seven years. I don't know exactly, but if I had started back then, imagine how good I would be right now and how many more people, the impact that I would have had of people hearing my podcast.

So that's just one small example for me is that I was never ready. I started before I was ready and. What if I had started all those years ago, I would have been less ready, right? Because I have developed a confidence and skills and ability and speaking and coaching and my own personal development. So, yes, I started out better than if I had started 7 years ago, but I'm sure I would be much further along now today.

If I had started seven years ago instead of starting this year. So that's one example of where imposter syndrome got in my own way, because I thought, you know, who am I to do this? What would I even talk about? And so, I'm sure that you all have examples of where imposter syndrome has showed up for you when you had some thoughts and feelings about being an imposter.

And for me also, another one is being a life coach and being a speaker. Again, that was something that being a coach and a speaker has been a dream. And a longing for me since I was in my twenties. So, this has been, we're talking 30 years of having this dream, but having imposter syndrome, give me the reason why I couldn't do it.

And so, it took me this many years, 30 years to step out and actually start creating it. And that's why I'm here. That's why I do the work that I'm doing in the world, because I want to help you. I want to inspire you. I want to motivate you. I want to teach you. I want to give you the skills and the discipline and the curriculum to do the thing and not have it take you as long as it took me.

Because I know in my deepest heart of hearts that if you're listening to this podcast, that you have a dream that you have a vision that, you know, you were meant for something big in the world. And by big, I don't necessarily mean money or impact or any of those things, but big in terms of really achieving your full potential and your mission in the world and I want to help you do that. And the only way to do that is to take action. And so, we're going to talk more about that in this episode. But I do want to give you one other example of one of my clients who is a medical doctor, an M D and then she's board certified in some other areas. And she has a lot of imposter syndrome.

I mean, she's like a CEO executive in a company while also building this coaching business. And being a speaker and a professor, I mean, she is so far above me and her credentials and accomplishments. She has imposter syndrome really bad. I don't think she'll mind me saying this. I'm going to check with her, and we make this out.

But the reason I bring this up is because any person in the world would look at her and say, she is a successful woman. She is an accomplished woman. This woman sets goals and achieves them. She can do what she sets her mind to and yet she struggles with imposter syndrome, but she and I both have learned so much along the ride that we're both hold each other accountable and just remind ourselves that that's imposter syndrome and to keep going and having those doubts and fears doesn't mean anything about our capability, but it's just interesting that it's almost like the more successful you are and the more achievement and accomplishments and credentials you have reached.

Sometimes the imposter syndrome is even bigger, and that's what they found in that study. They studied high achieving women and all of them had this imposter syndrome. So anyways, it's just going to be there, right? It doesn't matter what level of accomplishment you have. It's going to be there.

I heard Michelle Obama speak, or she was being interviewed or something, and someone was asking her about the rise of her and Barack Obama as they rose through the political hierarchy and, you know, elections and then ultimately, he became president and she became first lady and the interview was asking her about something about like, well, did it get easier? Did you have more confidence? Like the more success that you all had along the way. And she said, no, she said she was so surprised, but the higher they went, the harder it got and just think about that. It might not even get any easier. It might actually get harder, and you have to dig deeper into your own beliefs and skills and confidence and abilities.

Your belief in yourself, your belief in your mission, your belief in your capabilities. That was just so impactful for me. You're never going to get there to the place where just it's all okay. You feel totally confident and don't have any feeling of imposter syndrome. I mean, maybe it's possible, but I personally don't think we're always going to have some flavor of this as we grow and evolve and achieve and expand in this journey of being a vision driven woman.

So, in an article on very well talking about imposter syndrome, they say that there's four ways general ways that it shows up discounting and minimizing positive feedback. How many times has someone given you a compliment? Even maybe just something you're wearing, and you're like, oh, this old thing, or I just got this at Marshall's on sale or, you know, something where you're discounting or someone might say something about your achievement in some area and you discount it or, and minimize.

Positive feedback and remember from a previous episode, we as humans have a negative negativity bias. So, we are just biased to be negative and discount, but just noticing when you are discounting and minimizing positive feedback. Another way that it shows up is an over preparing. Oh, my God, this is a big one for me.

I prepare so much for things, planning, preparing, practicing. There is a certain amount of preparing and, and practice that of course, you should do. But sometimes we get over preparing. Because we have imposter syndrome. And so, you really have to balance that because the more you get into over preparing, what it means is that there's not going to be the benefit of it.

At some point, you're going to get into diminishing returns, which means the more time you spend in it, you're not going to get the equal benefit of it. And this is the biggest one for me. I over prepare up until now in so many areas of my life when I was at the top of my game as a consultant. I mean, I really was.

One of the best in the whole world, and I would still get nervous before workshops, I would still prepare and just up to the last minute, just be making notes and organizing my agenda and just doing so many things that my husband would always say, you always do this. You doubt you doubt your abilities.

You doubt if you can do it. And then he always says, and then you start and you're great and you're on a roll. And it's so true that once I start. Really most anything you get into; I get into like a rhythm and then it's okay. And so just notice if this is one for you over preparing. Another one is not trying for fear of failure.

This is a big one. I've seen this a lot in my clients, just not even getting out of the gate. Because if you're a failure and just think about how many goals and dreams just die from fear of failure. So don't let you and your goals die from not trying because you're afraid. And then the 4th way they say that it shows up is in distrust of others.

So, if you're not trusting how people are helping you, or why they're helping you, or if you just think they're just out to get something, or they just want something from me, or they don't really mean that, whatever it is, but just some sense of distrust of others. So, this isn't in the article. This is my interpretation when we're having any of those discounting and minimizing positive feedback, distrusting of others.

Anytime you're thinking about what someone is saying to you. It's really what you think about yourself, so you're discounting and minimizing your own positive feedback. You're overpreparing because of what you think about yourself. You're not trying for fear of failure because of what you think about yourself.

And this is a big one when you have distrust of others, it really means you have distrust of yourself, and this is why I think always that self-awareness and being what I call onto yourself noticing these patterns of yourself is so important. So how do you know if you're experiencing imposter syndrome?

It goes something like, who am I to do just fill in the blanks? What will they think if I fill in the blanks? What if I fail? What if I succeed? All of these are a version of imposter syndrome, and so underneath a lot of this is shame or fear of shame, which studies have shown is the lowest, hardest emotion for humans to feel, and so we Thank you.

We'll do everything we can to avoid it. So, you know that you're afraid of putting yourself out there, being rejected or embarrassed or not getting the results you want or not getting them fast enough. Just remember imposter syndrome is just a form of fear and fear's job is to keep us safe. It's just our primitive brain and our human survival instincts to keep us safe in our comfort zone.

So, overcoming imposter syndrome and there's five types of imposter syndrome that have been identified by Dr. Valerie Young, and she's the author of the book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Why Capable People Suffer From Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It. So here are the five types of imposter syndrome and see which one sounds familiar to you.

And you, you may have one or more of them. I think I've had all of them.

So, number one, the perfectionist. This type is focused on how something is done. and will feel like a failure when even the smallest mistake.

Number two, the expert. This type is concerned about what or how much they know or can do.They feel like a failure if they have been a tiny lack of knowledge in something.

The soloist. This type cares about the who. They feel they cannot take help from others if they want to be successful.

Number four, the natural genius. They measure their worth by how and when accomplishments happen in terms of ease and speed. They are ashamed to take extra time or need to reduce something.

Number five, the super woman, superman, super student, this type measures their accomplishments by how many roles They can juggle and excel in, and as you can see, these types are all dependent on being the best in some way and an imposter syndrome will take over if they are unable to do their job up to those standards.

So, notice how many of those you can relate to and how they show up for you. And again, these are all just reminding all of us that these are just signs of imposter syndrome, and it doesn't mean anything about our skills or abilities or the possibility or probability that we will achieve our dreams and goals.

And I will wrap up this episode with this. And then there's so much to say about imposter syndrome that I will pick this up in next week's episode to talk about actually what to do when imposter syndrome shows up. But I will leave you with this- If you were going to a seminar or talk or a workshop and the guest speaker was going to be someone who had received a gold medal in the Olympics.

Let's just say a medal in the Olympics. What would you think about hearing from someone who had been in five Olympics and had only gotten a silver medal once the last time they were in Olympics? Or what if you heard an Olympian who got a gold medal in their first Olympics? So, both of these speeches would be good, right?

You would learn a lot from these, but which one do you think you would be most inspired by? I think it's the one who went to five Olympics and didn't get a medal until the fifth one. And don't you think that they felt some imposter syndrome along the way? Yes. So come back next week and I will tell you, I will break it all down for you, the actual steps and process to use when imposter syndrome comes up.

Okay. I'll talk to y'all next week. Bye.

Thanks for joining me this week on The Success Minded Woman Podcast. If you like what you heard on the podcast, and you want to know more, then head on over to www.thedreamacademy.com where you can sign up for my weekly success and mindset tips to help you create your dream come true life. Talk to you all next week. Bye.